Most people that come to Southeast Asia usually spend a lot of time researching before they arrive. They may watch YouTube videos about other expat experiences or scroll through social media to see how expats are now living, and to learn how they made the transition, and slowly adjusted to the new environment. They know on some level that living in another country will be an adjustment. But what they may not realise is that part of the adjustment may involve frustration, a sense of loss and grief.
Culture shock is one of those terms that gets thrown around a lot. In some ways the term has lost some of its real meaning. Often people describe culture shock as trying something new such as street food, getting accustomed to listening to another language, receiving a strange reply when asking for directions and getting lost, or learning that others don’t necessarily see the world the way we do.
But the real experience can cut deeper than that. For a lot of expats and travelers culture shock can really challenge their sense of self-identity, create problems within their relationships, challenge the perceptions of the world around them and make daily functioning challenging.
In the 1960’s, cultural anthropologist Kalervo Oberg published a paper about culture shock and adjustment to new cultural environments. In the paper, he describes a four-stage framework (Oberg, 1960).
Stage 1: The Honeymoon
The first stage is the honeymoon stage. This is the stage where everything is new, exciting and feels very fun. A simple explanation for this is that novel stimuli can engage the brain’s reward and motivation systems. Additionally, at this point expats are generally new to the environment and their sense of identity has not yet necessarily been significantly challenged by the new environmental factors and the culture around them. People in this stage are just generally viewing their world through a happy and fun lens enjoying themselves and exploring the new environment. Eventually though, the novelty of it all soon wears off and the individual enters the crisis stage.
Stage 2: Crisis
This crisis stage is where life can become particularly more challenging and we lose the “sheen” of living in another culture and environment. Communication difficulties, different social expectations, attitudes, and just different ways of doing things daily, can start to become a grind.
The constant effort and cognitive load of being in and navigating new environment can be exhausting. And can reduce our attention and mood overtime and increase frustration. Additionally, our sense of identity can also feel challenged. Individuals can feel disconnected, as if they do not belong. This is why culture shock can feel like an experience of deep grief or as if we have hit ‘rock bottom’, rather than a general sense of discomfort (Oberg, 1960).
Stage 3: Recovery
However, life slowly starts to make sense again.
As the individual develops their daily routines and understands how social interactions work and their ability to decode social cues develops, what initially took a lot of conscious strain and effort becomes more automatic. As this happens our residual grief and frustration may remain, but burdens related to navigating the new environment slowly reduce and we may not be as severely challenged by the environment and culture as we previously were. Our stress, frustration and grief may decline more, while our mental health begins to improve as we adjust and adapt into our new life.
Stage Four: Adjustment
This is the stage where the individual has adjusted to the new environment and is living fairly comfortable within the new culture. They basically understand enough about the language, society and cultural norms to be able to function automatically and without cognitive load.
Importantly, the individual has integrated into the culture, and is able to maintain their own values and self-identity. The have learned how to navigate within different cultural frameworks, without necessarily assimilating to one or the other. And this is generally the part of culture shock that is typically misunderstood. Learning how to build a sense of identity, and belonging again following the removal of the former.
Research in Indonesia maintains that expats who push through the difficulty of learning the local language, participate in the community and develop good social networks gain intercultural competence, and a self-identity that integrates the best of both worlds (Lena et al., 2025).
However, not everyone adjusts on their own and for those of us that feel a sense of loss, and disconnection, frustration and sadness. You are not alone and it may not be a sign that you made the wrong decision to relocate. It is a sign that you are carrying the psychological load of being in another country and culture for longer than what you may have acknowledged.
Some people who intend to relocate never go through stage four and either return home or go somewhere else. Understanding that there is a framework and cycle for culture shock is the first step for moving through it, rather than avoiding it or attempting to find a way around it.
If you have read this post and it sounds like a description of what you are currently experiencing, you are not alone. Talking to someone who understands some of the challenges of living expat life, and not someone who has just read a textbook about the subject, could make a significant difference. Getting the correct support at the right time, could mean the difference between adjusting to the new culture or leaving before you do.
At Kota Counselling, we work with expats and travelers across South East Asia who are dealing with exactly this. If you are attempting to navigate culture shock, we would like to help.
Ready to talk to someone who gets it? Book a confidential session with Kota Counselling.
References
Lena, P. M., Wahyuningtias, D. D., & Maryami. (2025). Mitigating culture shock through intercultural communication: A case study of expatriates in South Jakarta. Ilomata International Journal of Social Science, 6(4), 1284-1297. https://doi.org/10.61194/ijss.v6i4.1735
Oberg, K. (1960). Cultural shock: Adjustment to new cultural environments. Practical Anthropology, 7(4), 142-146. https://doi.org/10.1177/009182966000700405